It’s not always easy to get to know one’s neighbors.
A few months ago, a family from Myanmar (formerly Burma) moved in to the house right next to us and, ever since they arrived, we had been praying for the right opportunity to meet them. But we didn’t know their schedule or who all lived in the house or even what language they spoke. I just knew that when I took my baby girl on morning walks, there was usually a group of men smoking together out front. I wasn’t even sure there were women at home.
No matter, we decided. Two weeks after they moved in, Aaron and I fired up the grill, made a crazy amount of fajitas and guacamole, and then I walked over and invited them all to eat with us. There was no warning; no pretty invitation; no formal introduction first. Just “Hey! I’m Michelle, your neighbor. And we have fajitas! Want to eat dinner with us?”
Immediately, the woman of the house appeared and nodded and smiled repeatedly to my invitation. I then left. They shut the door behind them, and I wasn’t even sure if they had understood my request. Thankfully, ten minutes later, we heard a knock on the door and we opened it to find the whole family outside!
Oh, what fun we had that afternoon!
One of the most memorable parts of that first meal together was trying to communicate. We didn’t speak each other’s language. But food and love and laughter unite when language fails. We spoke in English. They spoke Burmese. We did a lot of pointing and gesturing. Somehow, we knew what the other was saying. Language was not a barrier to the forging of our friendship.
I don’t think these families had ever heard of such things as tres leches cake or fideo. But they ate all the Mexican food that we served them and loved it, and we loved their company. They found out Aaron was a pastor, and we learned that they are Burmese Christians. We prayed together at our house, and they invited us to come pray at their house next week too!
That’s the power of opening your door, making a meal, and inviting someone over. No strings attached. No agenda. Just food and friendship and time to spend together.
Start with Food
Sometimes, I think we make too big of a deal about cross-cultural friendships. There’s a lot of pressure to have these relationships forged in exotic and unique ways. We feel that we must do something special or go out of our way to build a friendship with someone of a different culture, as if connecting with them is somehow different than with someone of our own ethnicity. But that’s not true at all.
Really, the best way to begin building cross-cultural friendships is to invite someone over – whether it be your neighbor, coworker or fellow church attendee – for a meal.
Now, truth be told, many of the typical American-style meal ideas and swaps won’t cut it with your ethnic neighbors. Don’t try to organize a food train where everyone is making and exchanging freezer bags of slow cooker foods. That is so foreign to non-white Americans. It certainly doesn’t speak the language of communal feasting, and it won’t have the effect you’re hoping for. Instead, clear your schedule, have a whole bunch of time on your hands, invite your neighbors over and spend time cooking and talking and eating for hours.
This may require some of you to get out of your comfort zone. When it comes to our daily life, we can be a slave to our own rhythms. It’s hard to get past the standard, “Hi,” “How are you?” and “Have a good weekend” mode of conversation with the people in our spheres. But if we are serious about cross-cultural friendships, we must embark in new territory. If we’re being honest, most of us have rarely, if ever, invited our colleagues from work, let alone our neighbors over for a meal. Perhaps you’ve never talked to your neighbors before. However, if we’re going to cultivate cross-cultural friendships, you must eat with that person. So, embrace the unknown, the potential awkwardness, and the newness for the sake of forging these relationships.
Jesus Ate with Others
Is this not what we see in the life of Jesus?
Luke 7 records that Jesus, the Son of Man, came “eating and drinking” (verse 34). Think of all the times that Jesus broke bread with men and women. From the story of Zacchaeus in Luke 19 to elsewhere in the Gospels, in which he tells all sorts of people, from prostitutes and tax collectors to the poor, “I’m coming to your house today”. If we learn anything from these stories, it is that Jesus valued spending time with people and eating together, and so should we.
Now notice that Jesus also goes to their home! I know it might sound strange, especially because it goes against our American sensibilities, but there is also something meaningful in inviting yourself over to another person’s home. If they are an ethnic minority, this act will not be viewed as a rude gesture, but rather as an extension of friendship. Trust me. If you want to show love to your neighbor from a different culture, don’t be afraid to invite yourself over for food. This will speak volumes.
If we want our life to emulate Christ, then we must follow in his footsteps. No matter who we are engaging with, we should place a high premium on eating together both in their home and in our own.
This is not about doing busy activities together, like watching a football game or hosting an elaborate party. Let’s be honest: we can’t have deep conversation around these things, anyways. The point is to position ourselves to show and talk about the real love of Christ to the people in our church, in our neighborhoods and in our work places, and these sorts of things don’t happen in the busy moments of our lives, but in the slow moments.
For when we slow down and eat together, that is when we can truly point to and emulate Christ best. Tim Chester encourages us in A Meal with Jesus: Discovering Grace, Community, and Mission around the Table saying, “The Christian community is the beginning and sign of God’s coming world – and no more so than when we eat together. Our meals are a foretaste of the future messianic banquet. Our meals reveal the identity of Jesus. Our meals are a proclamation and demonstration of God’s good news.”
Eat Together Often
Finally, if we want to love our neighbors, including men and women from other places and cultures, we must slow down, have time to sit and be, and delight over a meal together – both in our own homes and theirs – and we must do it often.
Trillia Newbell reiterates this in a blog post, entitled, “From Talking To Action”. She says, “As much as possible and when possible, fill your lunches and dinner tables, your conference rooms, your business meetings, and your college study groups with people who you can love and serve who are not like you.” It’s not enough to invite a person of another ethnicity over once, as if it was something to check off your list. There should be a frequency, a rhythm and a constancy to these meals.
Wherever Jesus went, he entered people’s homes and ate with them, no matter their social class, gender or ethnicity; and he did this often. So, instead of just praying about God to open doors for us to make cross-cultural friendships, let’s step out in action and invite that neighbor over for a meal. Who are you going to eat with this week?
The best way to begin building cross-cultural friendships is to invite someone over – whether it be your neighbor, coworker or fellow church attendee – for a meal Click To Tweet
